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We are worried that he does not listen to what we are saying, that he is not sensitive to our requests, that he is not very sensitive.
We have a whole list of comments to our partners, we look at the mother-in-law, we curse historical injustice ... and we are right in many respects. The problem is, THIS IS OUR GREATER WINES.
We cannot or do not want to raise sons in the same way as daughters. We give in to stereotypes and as mothers we cultivate them. Instead of taking care of it today so that the daughter-in-law doesn't complain in the future, we make the same mistakes as the mother-in-law. We do not forgive our mother-in-law's mistakes, and we do not see them ...
Maybe it is worth instead of complaining about men and swearing that we "got" a husband who can't lower the board, it is worth looking at his son. Does he also "forget" about it?
We influence it. This we can change!
Today, a lot has changed
- a man is much less often than once the sole breadwinner - this is the case in slightly less than 40% of homes
- men do not have to be 100% focused on work and professional development. Interestingly, 66% of women between 18 and 34 years of age prioritize achieving professional stability. In the same age group, only 59% of men give such an answer.
- there is no evidence that women are more sensitive and better prepared to take care of their children. Increasingly, men remain at home to look after their offspring and run a 'farm' when women earn a home at the same time.
The conclusion is simple. How they raised our sons and mother-in-law should not be a model for us - the world has changed. Today, more is required of men. And rightly so!
Treating boys better than girls, according to the principle that "men have easier life" is shooting in the knee. It is practicing the same mistakes we are now complaining about. Let's not do this! Just!
It will not be used
It's amazing how many mother-in-laws complain about their "daughter-in-law" who are "abusing their husbands." Because here their poor son "must" clean, cook and help with the child. And she does nothing like that or definitely not enough than a mother of an adult son would want. I swear I heard that many times. Mother-in-law complaining about daughter-in-law who require "help" at home is standard. Some talk about it loudly, directly, others behind it.
I know generation differences. Lack of understanding for other needs. Sometimes also jealousy - after all, no one "helped them" (by the way I really like this word).
They didn't raise their sons after all. They spent at least a dozen years to prepare tasty soups, cut sandwiches, lubricate bread, make sure he always had washed, ironed, God forbid that he would not distinguish between a saucepan and a pan. These are not tasks for a real man.
At the same time, the girl was to be decent, take care of what was around her. Of course, he must be able to cook, because it is an important skill. Through the stomach to the heart. In addition, sewing, cleaning, etc. will be useful.
Don't raise my son for Count
I also have a son and I also find my brain deviates too often from stereotypes. I am too indulgent for my son, more demanding for my daughter. I let him do more, because he is a boy, and less for her - because the girl does not fall out.
I fight it every day and see progress. It is not perfect, but I believe that we must bear this effort. For the good of all women. And men too ...